2025-06-17 | Victoria
In this post, I’m trying to think through what I want out of my life. What I care about enough to pursue it, what I like enough to keep doing for the fun of it, what matters to me, personally.
I’ve spent a lot of time in my life doing what I’m supposed to do—in the past I have tended to look to culture (read: the internet) and the people around me to figure out what to do, instead of paying attention to myself and doing what I want. I married my college boyfriend because it was what my parents did, and because he asked. I felt like we were rushing into things, but ignored that warning sign because it would have been uncomfortable if I had said no.
In the past ten years I’ve gotten better at being uncomfortable. I divorced my ex, came out as a lesbian, got the Master’s of Information that I always wanted. I’ve found my people and built a community around me that I feel like I can belong to as myself, not as someone I’m pretending to be. I got married to my wife, bought a house. The new marriage, the new house, and the new degree are all fairly new—within the past year. And each of those things was a lot of work.
But now I find myself at loose ends—with more time and energy and support than I’ve had… ever, really. I went straight from my shitty marriage into the pandemic, and just as the worst of that was easing (though it has never really gone away, mind you!) I went back to grad school—while continuing to work my full time job.
Now I have to figure out what I want to do now. How do I want to live my life now that it’s not a mess of deadlines and moving and constantly cramming knowledge into my head? Not necessarily “What is the next big goal?” but “What are my values and what do I want to do about them?”
I honestly can’t think of any more that are as foundational as those three. You could really simplify it even further by saying that I value community, agency, and possibility.